Paging Billy Mays

I know something Billy Mays doesn't know. There's this new product on the market that I'm sure he'll be interested in. It's called a microphone. That's right, Billy, you old carnival sideshow huckster you. Thanks to high-tech advances fresh from the previous century, you no longer have to yell at me to make yourself heard. So stop it. I have a hard and fast rule never to buy anything from somebody who hollers at me. That's in addition to my other hard and fast rule, that I never buy useless crap, if I can help it, so I guess Billy's got that working against him too.

The fact that I'm even aware of the existence of Billy Mays is a constant source of irritation. Much like the man himself.