Senile ramblings

• Why would Army want to beat Navy? Aren't we all on the same side?

• American Idol: Why should I give it any thought? Any at all?

• If only they'd find Jimmy Hoffa, I could sleep a lot easier. His killers are still at large.

• Last night I dreamed of a new sport: Elevator Demolition Derby. Two elevators in one shaft. Winner take all. I theorize that the elevator on top holds the advantage. If so, the sport could be hampered in popularity by an undue emphasis on the coin toss.

• I think I have a problem with Memorial Day. It's definitely a good thing to remember the dead. It's even better to avoid the sort of stupidity that gets people killed.

• Have you noticed how you never hear people accused of being arrogant, aggressive or ignorant any more? I think it's because those things are no longer considered insults.

• Why do I have to know who Paris Hilton is? There must be some other more useful piece of information that could be occupying that space in my brain.