The thought occurred to me while waiting in line at Wal-Mart last Friday morning at about 6:30am. Someone must die, I mused.

What was I doing there? You may well wonder. I know I did. I went there with the idea of picking up a few items, some holiday-related, and left after about forty minutes with exactly one of those items—that and a consuming dread for the future of humankind.

I withhold most of the gruesome details out of fear for my own sanity. I don't want to relive that morning's events, even for your benefit. I will say that, judging by the crowd, at least one and probably more of the fire code regs were violated repeatedly ... or I should say continuously. Many of the items that people had come for were running out already.

You know, I did this same thing once before, a few years ago, and it was much more pleasant, probably because there were about ten times as many people there this year. Judging by appearances, the only holdouts this year were people without any remaining shred of holiday sentiment. I never wondered before just whose idea the Early Morning Day After Thanksgiving Sale was, but now I'm wondering who will have the good sense to put a stop to the practice.